Tuesday, January 31, 2006
first attempt.
*note: this is an entry supposed to be for Jan. 27, 2006, I just didn't have time to put it here so I wrote it on paper... *
How can a person see through someone's imperfections and yet see another one as a failure when they both are of the same kind? Call it cliche, but eveybody in my younger years taught me that every individual is unique from the other one; that even two people who may seem to have a lot in common turn out to be different from each other when one looks at them deeper. i got caught in the exact situation once, and I guess being judged and compared to another person creates such a deep wound in me. It's as if someone takes my heart out and stabs it several times until it stops beating. I get exceptionally hurt when someone does this, especially when that somebody is the one whom I truly respect and admire. How is it possible that someone teaches me how wrong it is to compare and then criticizes me once I turn my back on them? Different people have different traits. Different people all make mistakes at one point or another. Thus, such attitude as judging one as a "perfect being" and another one as a rude, irresponsible, and useless individual is a perfect example of what everybody calls injustice. Sure they may say that saying this is part of growing up, molding us for improvement, etcetera, etcetera; but of course it is not a valid excuse to misjudge soemone when he has only done one minor mistake.
Expectations.
This is another thing that leads to being compared to someone who is, to everybody, "perfect." The higher expectation they have for you, the more grave your sin is once you make even just a tiny error. I have been under the curse of high expectations since I was a grader in school, and it has put me down a couple of times. Failing to fulfill what is expected from you is like wearing a perfectly white blouse and then getting it stained by a drop of ink which spreads rapidly throughout a large area. It can never be removed. The stain remains there forever. This is how people see me, especially in school. Nobody can ever be perfect, just the same way as a person cannot live his whole life not having at least one shirt stained in his closet. It's impossible, totally.
Being misjudged for something I did unintentionally is an insult to me, nost hurtful when I did it to do something right, because believe it or not, it's pretty hard to accept a mistake I never committed in the first place.
This has to stop somewhere, but I don't know just how to end this. I guess the only thing I want to say is it hurts to be judged. It doesn't make any sense whether soebody compares me to a beauty as much as he wants to tell me how beastly I am. Why can't people just see me as a person? A person who makes mistakes and learns from them. What I get from people who are so judgemental is the idea that no one can ever make such mistakes, that I should be perfect all the time. Well, guess what? I'm not like that. I learn from errors, and these errors are the ones that keep me moving; running, maybe, or even soaring. It's what drives every person to improve in time. It shouldn't be something to throw against me making me seem too inferior to myself and to my peers. I hope people would look through errors in a different light. The misconceptions today about them are far too wrong to accept.
Im just speaking in behalf of a whole group. I hope you get what it means.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Christmas Eve.
NO, that's not the holiday, if you think that's what the title says. That's the name of my character in Ave. Q Highlights. This afternoon, we started rehearsing again (after 6 months) for our rerun on February. Although I've already rusted a lot since summer last year, it still feels good to refresh myself and to be with my rep family again.. (awwww...) I enjoyed the day, really. I'm ubberly happy I still remember my blocking and my songs. I'm really excited about this. heehee :)
* my legs hurt though, from the stretching and exercises...boo
P.S. - Line of the day: "Trixie, I would be much comfortable if you learn Kate's part as well."- Meynard.. awww...*flattered* now i have two roles: Christmas Eve and Kate Monster (Understudy)
Friday, January 13, 2006
projects projects projects. // stars!!!
| Your Hair Should Be Pink |
 Hyper, insane, and a boatload of fun.You're a traveling party that everyone loves to follow. |
| You Are Likely an Only Child |
At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated.
At work and school, you do best when you're organizing.
When you love someone, you tend to worry about them.
In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic.
Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management.
You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books. |
***
I got bitten by the bug once more.. haha :P Anyway, school has been super busy lately. Allow me to be ubberly frank this one time, but realy, i'm getting so pissed of because of everything we have to do. I mean, everyone in the class sleeps at 11pm at the earliest, for cyring out loud! Grrr... I just hope THEY will understand that we students need some rest, too. here's the list of things to do:
English - thesis. Chapter 1/ note taking / documentation / Chapter 2 -- Anne Frank: Camyl + Trixie + Vernix
Soc Sci - Booklet on "Industriya" (Group work) + Video/documentary
Electronics - AC-DC Converter + FM Radio (Soon to come)
C.L. - Guest speaker (priest), Invitations committee
Physics - Investigatory Project, Illusion table: Jordan + Aaron + Darlene + Trixie (TOTAL bad trip..sheesh!)
Computer - Individual project on Visual Basic Programming
Math - none at the moment. (Thanks Ma'am Teng!Ü)
***
Now here's another story to tell: There's been a new fad inside the classroom -- STARS!!! haha, ever saw those paper stars sold in stores inside cute containers? That's the one. Everybody in class got really addicted to making these, and now, we have already collected like, more than half a can of those (=Ü=). We make stars even during class hours! haha.. it's really cute :)
***
Our class had our picture taken this morning, gawd. Super kulit namin nung wacky pic na! haha.. I'm gonna miss our class so much. I'm gonna get all copies of our wacky shots, promise! haha...
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
back to reality.
this morning, i woke up late. I was lying so nicely on my bed when I heard a car beep. I looked from my window and saw the service there already! OMG.. I had to miss our service tuloy. My dad had to bring me to school..
***
By the way, Carmina, thanks for your gift! :) you're such a sweet friend
***I got my exam results earlier in school. Well, I was happy with Physics. Math was okay, so was Economics and C.L.. I was a little sad about English and Filipino, but I was expecting it. Computer has to wait until next week. (Computer class is held during Mondays + Tuesdays)
***
I'm glad to be back in school. Gawd, I missed my class over the break, but I still have some hangovers from Christmas. On the way home, my servicemates and I were so tired, that we were all asleep. Then, upon arriving home, I went straight to my room and took a nap. So therefore, I'm still in my uniform now.. haha..
trixie . trix . ixie . pink . la salle . 
