Tuesday, January 31, 2006
first attempt.
*note: this is an entry supposed to be for Jan. 27, 2006, I just didn't have time to put it here so I wrote it on paper... *
How can a person see through someone's imperfections and yet see another one as a failure when they both are of the same kind? Call it cliche, but eveybody in my younger years taught me that every individual is unique from the other one; that even two people who may seem to have a lot in common turn out to be different from each other when one looks at them deeper. i got caught in the exact situation once, and I guess being judged and compared to another person creates such a deep wound in me. It's as if someone takes my heart out and stabs it several times until it stops beating. I get exceptionally hurt when someone does this, especially when that somebody is the one whom I truly respect and admire. How is it possible that someone teaches me how wrong it is to compare and then criticizes me once I turn my back on them? Different people have different traits. Different people all make mistakes at one point or another. Thus, such attitude as judging one as a "perfect being" and another one as a rude, irresponsible, and useless individual is a perfect example of what everybody calls injustice. Sure they may say that saying this is part of growing up, molding us for improvement, etcetera, etcetera; but of course it is not a valid excuse to misjudge soemone when he has only done one minor mistake.
Expectations.
This is another thing that leads to being compared to someone who is, to everybody, "perfect." The higher expectation they have for you, the more grave your sin is once you make even just a tiny error. I have been under the curse of high expectations since I was a grader in school, and it has put me down a couple of times. Failing to fulfill what is expected from you is like wearing a perfectly white blouse and then getting it stained by a drop of ink which spreads rapidly throughout a large area. It can never be removed. The stain remains there forever. This is how people see me, especially in school. Nobody can ever be perfect, just the same way as a person cannot live his whole life not having at least one shirt stained in his closet. It's impossible, totally.
Being misjudged for something I did unintentionally is an insult to me, nost hurtful when I did it to do something right, because believe it or not, it's pretty hard to accept a mistake I never committed in the first place.
This has to stop somewhere, but I don't know just how to end this. I guess the only thing I want to say is it hurts to be judged. It doesn't make any sense whether soebody compares me to a beauty as much as he wants to tell me how beastly I am. Why can't people just see me as a person? A person who makes mistakes and learns from them. What I get from people who are so judgemental is the idea that no one can ever make such mistakes, that I should be perfect all the time. Well, guess what? I'm not like that. I learn from errors, and these errors are the ones that keep me moving; running, maybe, or even soaring. It's what drives every person to improve in time. It shouldn't be something to throw against me making me seem too inferior to myself and to my peers. I hope people would look through errors in a different light. The misconceptions today about them are far too wrong to accept.
Im just speaking in behalf of a whole group. I hope you get what it means.
trixie . trix . ixie . pink . la salle . 
